Trash Talk by Annie

The text outside says "20% STUD 80% MUFFIN" while on the inside it's "HAPPY BIRTHDAY STUD MUFFIN!"

The outside text says "ALWAYS CARRY A KNIFE IN YOUR PURSE… " while the inside text says "IN CASE OF CHEESECAKE OR SOMETHING."

The outside text says " IF YOU HAVE TO ASK IF IT'S TOO EARLY TO DRINK…" while the inside text says "YOU'RE AN AMATEUR AND WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS."

The outside text says "BE CAREFUL…" while the inside text says "I READ AN ARTICLE THAT SAID THE SYMPTOMS OF STRESS ARE EATING TOO MUCH, IMPULSIVE SHOPPING AND DRIVING TOO FAST. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT'S OUR PERFECT DAY!"

The outside text says "I THINK YOU'RE STARTING TO LOSE YOUR MIND…" while the inside text says "BUT AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THE PART|THAT TELLS YOU "I GOTTA PEE,"|YOU'LL BE OKAY!"

The outside text says "PEOPLE SAY LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE…" while the inside text says "THEY LIE. IT'S THE BROWNIES."

The outside text says "LIFE DOESN'T COME WITH GUARANTEES…" while the inside text says "JUST KNOW THAT SMILING WILL BRIGHTEN YOUR FACE, LAUGHTER WILL BRIGHTER YOUR DAY AND GOOD FRIENDS WILL BRIGHTEN YOUR LIFE!"

The outside text says "GETTING OLDER IS LIKE GOING TO AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET." while on the inside it says "WHAT ONCE WAS HOT IS COLD. WHAT SHOULD BE HARD IS LIMP AND THE BUNS ARE THE BIGGEST THING ON THE MENU!

The outside text says "CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY… " while the inside text says "WE'LL DO SOMETHING FUN IN 18 YEARS."

The outside text says "DEAR FRIEND…WHEN YOU HURT, I HURT, WHEN YOU CRY, I CRY, WHEN YOU JUMP OFF A BRIDGE…" while the inside text says "I GET IN A PADDLEBOAT AND SAVE YOUR ASS!"

The outside text says "DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND THE MONEY WILL FOLLOW…" while the inside text says "SO I ATE PIZZA, DRANK BEER AND TOOK A 3 HOUR NAP.|NOW I WAIT."

The text outside says "YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS"..." while on the inside it's "MEANS SOMEONE WHO CAN DRIVE AT NIGHT."

The outside text says "WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY…" while the inside text says "IS OUR FAMILY MOTTO!"

The text outside says "THE ONLY WAY TO FIGHT FATHER TIME…" while on the inside it's "HIS WITH MOTHER MAKE-UP AND SISTER SPANX! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

The outside text says "A FRIEND WITH WEED IS A FRIEND INDEED." while the inside text says "A FRIEND WHO SHARES IS A FRIEND WHO CARES. LET'S GET TOGETHER FRIEND!"

The outside text says "I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM EXERCISE…" while the inside text says "I'M IN THE FITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM."

The outside text says "IF YOU EVER GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT WORK, JUST SLOWLY RAISE YOUR HEAD AND SAY…" while the inside text says "JUST KIDDING. I HAVE TO PEE!IN JESUS' NAME I PRAY"

The outside text says " THE MAN WHO WROTE THE "HOKEY POKEY" DIED PEACEFULLY IN HIS SLEEP. THE HARDEST PART FOR HIS FAMILY WAS GETTING HIM IN THE COFFIN... " while the inside text says "THEY PUT HIS LEFT LEG IN AND THE TROUBLE STARTED!"

The outside text says "OMG, THAT'S A HORRIBLE IDEA!" while the inside text says "WHAT TIME?"

The text outside says "IT'S EVERY WOMAN'S DREAM THAT A MAN WILL TAKE HER IN HIS ARMS, THROW HER INTO BED… " while on the inside it's "AND CLEAN THE WHOLE HOUSE WHILE SHE SLEEPS."

The outside text says " BACK IN THE DAY WE HAD BIG HAIR AND THIN ASSES…" while the inside text says "NOW WE'VE GOT THIN HAIR AND BIG ASSES!"

"Five Tips For A Woman… 1. It Is Important That A Man Helps You Around The House And Has A Job. 2. It Is Important That A Man Makes You Laugh. 3. It Is Important To Find A Man You Can Count On Who Doesn't Lie To You. 4. It Is Important That A Man Loves Y

The text outside says "YOUR PARENTS HAD SEX" while on the inside it's "JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT ON YOUR BIRTHDAY."

The outside text says "YOU’RE THE REASON I GET UP IN THE MORNING… while the inside text says "JUST KIDDING. I HAVE TO PEE!"